Email from Mom: February 9, 2022

From: Mom
Date: Wednesday, February 9, 2022
Subject: Your terms

Hey kiddo,

I hope you have had a successful pickup of a new companion and that this new trio will be a good opportunity for each and every single one of you. This week has been hard I will not lie and my thoughts have been super heavy with you. I have spent countless hours on my knees, prayer in my heart and tears in my eyes. I have read the purpose of a missionary and I am working on Preach My Gospel now for my own understanding on being a missionary on the Lord's errand and on His time.

Christian, I am going to ask that you reach out to President Proudfoot and explain to him all that is going on. And then I am going to ask that you let me know when that has taken place so that I can then follow up with him to ensure we are all on the same page working to keep you as a missionary, and a dang good one at that, or to make arrangements for you to come home. This will give you the opportunity to work with him and for him to learn the truth from you rather than from me what has been going on. Some key points that I am aware of, and I am sure you are aware of more than these so I pray you will be 100% honest and disclose all with him, are:

- The additional Google Photo drive. There never should have been something between just the two of you without any additional people having the ability to see what is being shared. I won't lie, I actually was waiting to see a nude pic or something. Nonetheless, this is wrong.

- Your voice memo emails are wrong. You are essentially having a phone call with her without it being a video call. This is more than wrong and completely against the rules. I don't believe I need to go into anything further here.

- The things shared in your voice memos are wrong. First, I am astounded at the baby talk that my almost 19 year old son uses. Why is it that even after all of these years you still revert to that? You are living a very grown up life and making grown up decisions for yourself. Why would you not want to have that come across in words? Second, not much mission stuff is discussed. Talking about how 'ripped' your arms are or a calendar that she has put together that has her on it and you spend countless hours looking at it instead of studying is clearly proof that this is not an all in mission being served. Third, you willingly admit in one of your memos back that you are planning to break rules and go suntan on the roof of the building so as not to bring home a tan line you are currently seeing. I haven't listened to all that were on your email. I couldn't after just the couple I did. I was so upset and it is taking all I have in me to not reach out to this girl and rip into her for putting you in this situation or for booking a ticket to come to Africa myself to sit down with you and President Proudfoot. So many rules being broken day in and day out right now.

- Christian, you continue to lie. Not just to me but to President Proudfoot, the Lord, and to yourself. When I messaged you on Monday about the photo drive you told me that you had thought about all of those things when you were studying with your companion and you weren't feeling things being right. Yet, you continued throughout the day to send voice emails back and forth with Alaina expressing love and how you don't need to look any further because you already know what you have in her, etc. You flat out lied to me, again, to cover up your wrongdoing. Yes, you deleted an album. But if you had truly felt that way during study the rest of the day and the voice emails never would have happened. You would have put an end to it through an email  rather than bouncing back and forth with her all day. You are living a lie to your Mission President who has put his trust in you to train and lead new missionaries. You are lying to the Lord who has asked you to serve a mission on His behalf and that you agreed to do when you accepted the call. This isn't a vacation for you where you still have the novelties and comforts of home. A mission is supposed to be a sacrifice.This is supposed to be hard work and mold you into a true witness of our Savior Jesus Christ. Your #1 goal each and every morning should be to go out and do ALL you can to find those that He has sent to come into contact with you. Your focus needs to be on those around you in Africa. You agreed to set all worldly things aside for two years. When are you going to do that? Is that truly something you have a desire to do or are you going through motions? Are you serving a mission for you or are you serving a mission for accolades in the end, a look at me?

- Being an "All In" missionary is not what has taken place in the now almost 8 months of this experience for you. Both at home and now in Africa. President Proudfoot deserves to know the truth. These companions that have been entrusted to you to learn from you are getting an unfair hand dealt right now. They deserve to have a trainer who is all in and who is committed to the mission and not someone at home. The people you are there to serve and to teach deserve a missionary who truly has sacrificed and who is giving all parts of himself day in and day out, no distractions.

I don't know if you remember a conversation we had when you were in the home MTC but I am going to remind you of it here. I told you that the one thing I hoped and prayed for most in your time being gone from home wasn't that you come back some spiritual giant or that you have baptized thousands. I wanted more than anything for you to be able to accept who you are authentically and to be happy with that person. I wanted more than anything to then have you realize that being honest and true to that person is good enough. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. My prayers are still the same today. The phrase you learn your whole life of "Honesty is the BEST policy" rings louder than loud this morning. It's time to own what has been happening and make a choice.

Christian, as much as you want to believe that Alaina is it for you I am sorry to tell you that she clearly isn't. If she loved you and supported you and wanted the best for you, NONE of this would happen. She would never have been okay with breaking rule after rule after rule. If she is the one who suggested all these rules being broken, then it should be even more black and white that she isn't here out of honest true love. She isn't here in your life to bring good. She is breaking you down 7000 miles apart one day at a time, one moment at a time, one thought at a time, and one more rule broken at a time.

I never in a million years thought I would find myself here. I never thought I would have to send an email to you with this information in it. I never thought you would have to be asked to speak to a Mission President. But we are here. And you know what? I am okay with it. This will be a good opportunity for you and for me to grow in our faith and in this Gospel. What better way to embrace it then to have to rely on the Atonement for our own self right? There is nothing that you cannot conquer if you include the Lord in it. If it is more important for you to have this girl in your life than it is to continue as a missionary, you need to make that choice and you need to make it now so that those in Africa can have the best outcome possible with having the Lords missionaries in their presence and so President Proudfoot can make adjustments and so that the Lord can work with you on a repentance path. It if it more important to you to serve this mission, you need to make that choice and commit for reals and say goodbye to worldly things and people that you have here at home. I have always told you I will support you in whatever choice you make, good or bad. If I know it is a bad choice I will still support you and I will be there when things don't work out like you had hoped. If it is a good choice I will be there to celebrate with you. I have never expected a mission out of you. This mission has been your choice 100% from the very beginning and I pray you know that you have had my support in all of it up to this point. Now it rests on your shoulders to decide if you continue as a missionary, what kind of mission you serve.

I don't imagine it would be easy to be in your shoes right now. As your Mom I wish I could take it all away and make it so it never happened. But choices and actions have been made. What you choose to do now is up to you. You need to send an email (a written one, not a voice one) to Alaina and you need to basically Dear Jane her. Christian, if the Lord put her in your life for a reason this email would never have been sent. PLEASE remember that. There is someone so much better out there that deserves you! It's fair for her to know what is happening.

You are an amazing young man. You are an incredible son and I feel blessed to have been chosen to get to be your Mom on this mortal journey. Your example has taught me so much. Your ability to adapt and intermingle in a whole new culture has been such a testament of faith for me. I will always ALWAYS love you more than words will ever be able to convey. I am by no means a perfect person and I have oodles to work on, but I promise you that each day I am sure trying my best and hardest to do what is right by you and the girls. I know the potential you have to be a missionary, and a dang good one at that. I read your Patriarchal Blessing both yesterday and today and stand in awe at all that is promised to you if you remain on the covenant path and remain worthy and faithful to our Heavenly Father. Christian, you are more than elite. You have clearly been saved for these days and the Lord is begging to be able to rely on you to help His work move forward on this Earth as we all prepare for His second coming. Your Patriarchal Blessing has such strong Gospel promises that the only way those happen is through hard and through trial. Perhaps this is just the beginning of those.

I am so proud of you. You are one of my most prized blessings in life. Let me know when you have spoken with President Proudfoot so I can follow up. I want the three of us to work together in whatever choice you make. I have you in my prayers always and my thoughts non-stop. I love you for forever and for always...NO MATTER WHAT.

To the Moon and Back,

Mom