Hump day Email from Mom

Disclaimer....this was the HARDEST email I have had to write so far. I pray this one will be the last one of its kind...

To: Christian.garcia@missionary.org
Date: Wednesday, August 18, 2021
Subject: Hump Day Email this week :) 

Hey hey hey Elder Garcia!

How are you doing? How are things this week? I would love to hear 10 things that were good or great this week for you. :)

Things here have been moving at a speed I am not sure I am fully prepared to move at! Ha. It all started with church on Sunday and walking in as a party of just three. I hated it so much. And I wasn't sure we should really take our regular row because let's face it, we sure didn't need the space for three bodies. But I guess we didn't really need it for four either and we kept doing. Anyways, we slid in and it all worked out and by the end of Sacrament meeting and listening to Brother Woodward I knew it would be best for me to come home and just take a deep breath and say a prayer for the both of you out in the mission field.

After we talked on Monday I couldn't shake the "Mom" in me. I know that you are making the best out of the hard right now and I know you will come out of this blazing and a better person than you are right now but it is hard for me to not want to reach out to those that may be playing into life right now, to your Mission President, and/or even the Senior Couple. I want to take the hard or heavy away from you and make it so you don't have to carry that. I want every moment of your mission to be positive. :) (How's that for a genie in a bottle wish?!) The hardest part for me in sending you off is knowing that I can't shelter or help avoid the tricky. I don't worry about it at all because I know you and I know what your capabilities are but as your Mom I have spent the last 18 years trying my best to make it so those kinds of things didn't show up you know? This Mom gig...I tell ya, it is tricky. I thought it was hard when you guys were little and I was single but the older you guys get and the more adult things that keep showing up make me realize that it is way harder now for sure! :)

B started school this week. She had mixed feelings about it all but she had a smile on her face as her and Kynlee headed off. I think last year must have just been because it was so new and she hadn't really been inside Fort so she was super uncomfortable. The hardest thing this year is the lame schedule they are doing and the lunch situation. Totally a nightmare but she figured it out and all seems well enough. Even as she headed out the door today she had a smile on her face and seems just fine with that part of life being back in the schedule.

Tyler is in Wyoming again. I think the hunt opens up here soon up there so I don't know how many more trips he will make to 'scope' but when I talked to him last night he was frustrated. There is a sheep herder up there setting up camp right where he has been looking which just makes it so the deer leave the area. I can only imagine how frustrating that would be. He is supposed to be home tomorrow (Thursday) but he said depending on what it looks like this morning when he goes out and the weather (stay tuned) he may end up home tonight. I guess time will tell.

The weather here is NUTS! So we had the fire up Parley's break out on Saturday. Smoke has taken over and the air is HEAVY. So heavy that even to just go to the mailbox it hurts to breath in. There was some wind that came in on Sunday but mostly it just moved the crappy air around and on Monday it was still just crap. Tuesday I had a 'mom lunch/pool' day with some people here from 11:30-1:30. Well, just as I finished setting up and opening the pool the wind kicked in again and it started to sprinkle some. Not a lot but it sprinkled. We ended up still having lunch and visiting but nobody got in the pool. The weather was quite nice actually and the breeze cooled it off that it was pleasant. When everyone left I figured I would cover the furniture outside 'just to be safe' because I had seen that the weather said there was going to be 'severe thunderstorms' coming our way. I don't trust the weather but figured, why not? Well, the clouds came in and still no rain. I went to visit a neighbor and while I was there it started DUMPING!!! And the thunder...holy crapola dude. It was freaky loud. The lightning kept cracking and lighting up the sky and the amount of rain that fell was kinda awesome. I was so glad as I sat and visited that I covered all the furniture!

By the time I got home the rain had stopped but it would still sprinkle here and there. Nothing major. B and I hung out and watched the Braves game (they won again. They are in 1st place and 2.5 games ahead of the Phillies and 4.5 games ahead of the Mets!) but as we watched the sky was seriously crazy. Through the shutters you could see the lightning flashing and then the windows started to shake because the thunder was so loud! Tyler called before he called it a night and when we were on the phone I could hear the thunder and I swear he was sitting right underneath it. He said he could feel it on the ground under his tent! Then mid sentence he would stop and say "that is close" and then I would hear a huge rumble. He said he was right under the lightning and tucked under a tree as safe as he could be. I already think he is nuts to want to hike to where he goes and sleep in bear country in a small thin tent but then you add the weather like what he had and I am 1000% sure he is nuts!

The rain is still pouring down today and it is dark dark here at home. So dark that I have the light on in the office, the light on the picture of Christ above the fireplace is on, the kitchen lights are on, and yet it still seems so dark in here. I like days like today though. And I know you do too. Things just seem to slow down some you know? I am hoping that all of this weather helps get the Parley's fire under control (it was only 25% contained as of yesterday and more evacuations were underway bringing it to almost 8000 people evacuated) and I hope it moves the crappy air out. I don't love that the high today is only going to be 70 though. Yesterday 94 today 70. I have pants on and if I have to go anywhere I will have to put socks on. :/ And we all know how I feel about socks!

Anyways...now that you are caught up to speed on what is happening here let's talk for a minute real life okay? One thing that keeps coming to mind is your phrase during our call on Monday that something feels like it is missing. I can't help but go back to our visit on the front porch before you left. I know it isn't something you perhaps want to hear or acknowledge but until you let go of a girl here at home and until you quit putting the time and effort into her, you won't truly be giving your all to the Lord. Which in turn, He will hold back on things because He cannot trust you otherwise. When I set up your email contact list for you there was an email in your inbox from her that I couldn't help but at first get angry but then the anger drove me to open it up and see what it is she was saying. (Mostly because she has let me know essentially in a text that she is the best thing for you and that she wants nothing but the best for you and she knows what it takes to support a missionary.) When I opened it and saw that you are telling her that you sleep with a photo of her in your hand at night and that you are keeping a journal just for her my heart sunk and my worry increased. If these two things that I saw (and I am sure that there are many other things that have been shared between the two of you) are things you truly are focused on and that you are spending time on, you are going to continue to struggle and you are going to continue to feel like something is missing. What is missing is the Spirit of the Lord Himself. He is not going to carry you through on a mission, this will be time not valiantly spent like you promised you would do when you accepted the call. This will be a mission served for the wrong reason. You may be able to go about your day to day and perhaps the day will come when you can bury the hard or put aside the feeling of something missing, but in the end you will always look back and you will know (as will the Lord) that you never fully committed to being on His errand and on His timing for the duration of your mission.

Chrish, you deserve to have the BEST mission experience and you deserve all of the things that I KNOW the Lord is waiting to give to you. When you took out your endowment at the temple and as we sat in the Celestial Room waiting for you to come through the veil, my heart was given a glimpse into what Africa has in store for you. What the Lord has in store for you. As I have been in the temple since you have left, I have been overcome with the Spirit reminding me of the tender mercy received that day you were in the temple. There is absolutely NO denying that you are one of the elite servants of our Heavenly Father. He has saved you for these very days. He knows deeper than I can ever begin to know of all the families and posterities into the eternities that you have the potential to touch and be a part of if you will just give Him two years. Life has been muddied for you with the influence of a girl and it is being covered by the best pair of Satan's blinders. She wants you to believe that she has your best interest at heart and that she supports you 100% but please, for a minute, take inventory Christian. Things in the home MTC wouldn't have been as hard, perhaps more time would have been spent on language study, your focus would not have been about how to stay in contact with her and/or her family but rather on being the best missionary possible right out the gate. I truly believe with all of my heart that if your focus was 100% on a mission and on the work of the Lord, you wouldn't feel as though something is missing. Your heart wouldn't hurt and the tears that I see, that rip my whole heart out of my body and make it so I want to come running to Africa, would be comforted by the Lord and Savior Himself. Christian, you are literally IN THE VERY HANDS of the Lord who suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane in order to give us the greatest blessing of the Atonement in our lives. HIS hands...that have the nail piercings in them. Those very hands are carrying you and keeping watchful care of you while you are in Africa serving Him in the capacity of a full time missionary!!! Let those hands guide you, let His sacrifice sit on the very front of your mind and on your heart always. Let Him take you on this mission and show you the things He has in mind and in store for you. Let Him work the miracles that need worked through you. Make Him proud of you and show Him that you are indeed that servant that He has saved for these days and that He knew the saints in Africa needed at this very moment. And if you are willing to do these things, and you are willing to turn your life over to the Lord and His work, then will He show unto you the many blessings and promises that He has held onto solely for you and you alone. In D&C 29:7 it says "And ye are called to bring to pass the gathering of mine elect; for mine elect hear my voice and harden not their hearts" ... Christian, He is relying on you to gather Israel back together in His cause. He needs His elect (YOU) to bring all of those back and to remind them of their choice to come down for a mortal experience, to rely on the greatest sacrifice of the Savior and repent and come unto Christ. You are going to play a key role if you will just turn this time to the Lord. Read your patriarchal blessing, hit your knees, be honest with yourself, and KNOW that you are worthy of this mission and the blessings that are awaiting you. Know that you deserve the happiness and joy this mission holds. But mostly, and above all else, know that you have a Mom at home who loves you more than words in black and white will ever be able to convey. I want you to be the happiest version of who you are possible. I want you to be able to look inside of a mirror and see all the amazing that I see and know that who you are as a person is downright amazing. You continue to amaze and impress me and touch my  heart with all you are doing. My thoughts are consumed with you and your daily doings each and every day. I wonder how you are and what you are seeing, hearing, and experiencing. I miss you and I long to have your spirit back around and in the midst of life around here but not for now. I too have had to be willing to give you to the Lord for two years and as hard as that it and as much heavy that puts on my heart, I know without a shadow of a doubt that it is the right thing to do. I trust the Lord with all of my heart and know He will be with us both.

Christian, I love you so very much. I am proud of you and I love being able to share with those around me of all the things you are doing. I love being able to pull up your Google pictures and show those wondering the awesome you are in the middle of. And we are just 2 weeks into you being there! Can you even imagine what the next 30 days alone will bring?! You are a bright light of goodness and your smile is contagious. You will bring many to this wonderful Gospel and your example will continue to bless and change the lives of many around you. Not just there in Africa, but also here at home. We talk about you and feel the loss of you being home daily. I have you in my thoughts always and in my prayers around the clock. I miss having you get the mail (something so simple and silly!), I miss having you ask me if you can help with anything. Heck, even seeing the green car parked in front of the Colling house can bring me to tears in a hot second! But, I never doubt that you are doing the right thing and right where you are meant to be and that helps bring me back to 'normal'.

I can't wait to hear how Zone Conference went and to hear about the taxi drive in and back. I wonder if the apartment you stayed in with the other Elders is as big as the one you live in? Is Lome different that Kpalime? Meaning, is it a nicer area? Does it look the same? How was it being able to have other Americans there and around you again? Did you see any of the Elders you travelled there with? So many moving parts of a mission that intrigue the heck out of me and you get the chance to live it all first hand. :) I love you for forever and always. To the moon and back.

XOXO,

Mom